10 phases you go through when your ex gets engaged

It’s the ultimate sign of moving on–your ex getting engaged. What emotions should you expect when this milestone appears on your news feed?

I’m sitting on the couch in a stained, baggy T-shirt, and underwear that’s clinging to its last moments of life.

Needless to say, after graduating from university, the only thing I could commit to was avoiding the responsibilities of the inevitable “adulthood” racing toward me. Laying there, uninspired, I refreshed my Facebook page, only to be smacked in the face with “Mark just got engaged.”

Well, let me tell you how that went…

What you go through when your ex gets engaged

Maybe you’ve been through it, or maybe you have yet to experience it. But learning that your ex is about to get married is no walk in the park.

#1 Shock.

Haha, there’s just no way… Haha, let me double check this. This didn’t happen. Yes. Yes, it did. And you definitely didn’t think it was going to happen before you. You call your mom, you call your grandma, you call all your friends. Everyone must know. Everyone must know and either join you in shock, or confirm that this is a true event.

Your support team was there while you were drowning them in despair over your breakup, and now they have been honored with the on-going conversation of his new life event.

#2 Anger.

You can feel your body heat up while your eyes just stare at the picture of him and his new fiancé. Oh, they look so bloody happy. Well, isn’t that great? I am just so glad that everything in his life worked out perfectly. You grab some harmless snacks and start the aggressive emotional eating. I suggest going for a walk, instead.

#3 Jealousy.

Your hand is getting deeper into the chip bag, and you’re done for. Once you’re at this phase, you just have to let it take you. That being said, don’t get swept up to the point where you’re stalking him outside of his work, begging for a second chance.

But naturally, your thoughts are similar to these: She doesn’t suit him. You can see it in his eyes, he doesn’t really love her. Have fun paying $50,000 for a wedding that won’t make it past a year. We were a better-looking couple. Yeah, that’s right, girl–get it all out. Just make sure these thoughts don’t leave your house. [Read: 10 signs you’re still attached to your ex]

#4 Defeat.

Your emotions switch, turning his engagement into a competition. How can he have found somebody before me? The whole purpose of us breaking up was that I was supposed to move on and find someone amazing, while he spends the rest of his life miserable over our break-up.

He wasn’t even that great of a boyfriend. I don’t understand how he found someone who wants to be with him. I’m here, unemployed, single, and now suffering from stress sweat. Nobody likes stress sweat.

#5 Desperation.

This is when you bring out your rolodex. The thought of you never finding someone and inevitably dying alone has never been so strong. Should I open my PlentyOfFish account again? I did meet one decent guy on there. Tinder isn’t too bad, but wait… maybe eHarmony is better? That’s more for serious players. Oh, and Christina has that guy friend. I should call her; he was cute.

Fight this stage. This stage will make you do things you wish you hadn’t. Don’t call that guy you had one so-so date with. Don’t start thinking of potential guys who weren’t right for you to begin with. Not only that, don’t drag some poor guy into your pity party because you want to “prove” something to your ex.

#6 Nostalgia.

Yes, he made you watch Rocky over and over, and he would always leave the toilet seat up, but what if he was the one? You used to cuddle and watch the stars on clear nights. And there was that time you both woke up at 4 AM and rode your bikes to the beach with a bottle of champagne.

The emotions and the good times you spent together are going to overwhelm you. You’re probably going to think, “Did I miss the one?” or “Will I ever find someone who’s going to love me like he did?” [Read: 6 reasons you’re still thinking of your ex and 5 things to keep in mind]

#7 Pity.

Ah, then nostalgia does something beautiful. Remember his habit of not showering after basketball practice? Remember when you were sick, and he didn’t call? Yes, you do.

Remember those moments, because those were the moments that caused you to doubt your relationship with him. His new fiancé is going to have to sit next to the stench and put up with his lack of thoughtfulness. She has no idea!

#8 Amusement.

While the fond memories always bring a smile to your face, recall your ex’s annoying habits and the fact that they will have “Till death do we part” tacked onto them once he ties the knot with his fiancé. Oh, God–that poor girl is going to have to be with him her entire life. She’s going to have to get used to his cheapness and dirty underwear ’til death do they part. You wouldn’t be able to last a year!

#9 Relief.

Well, the bullet has been dodged. Wipe that anxiety sweat from your forehead because the worst has passed. After you pass the feelings of jealousy and anger, you really do realize that she could have been you. Yes, your life would have been different, but is that the life you really want?

#10 Acceptance.

Keep browsing through those “until the wedding” countdown photos, sit back, and enjoy the view. Someone you once loved intensely is happy and about to get married. After the fights, the horrible breakup, and the agonizing healing stage, his life took a turn and now he’s deliriously happy. Just be happy for the guy and believe that you’ll one day be just as deliriously happy as him.

After the initial anger and jealousy rears its ugly head, you’ll eventually accept the fact that your exes will move on from you and find love elsewhere. The good news about this? You’re free to do the same.

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